That Corporate Job…..

…. is finally a thing of the past now.

It was a mutual decision between me and my manager that this isn’t working out for me. For too long, I had ignored my discontent at the work and the people – thinking that I needed a job to define Me. That I was not worth anything without a job. That having a job was equal to self-respect and respect from others too.

I looked on at my peers and saw them in successful careers, climbing various greasy poles and corporate ladders, and reasoned that there was no reason why I couldn’t do the same. I looked on at my over-achieving father for whom I always felt respect was withdrawn unless and until I could prove myself, and so the foundations were set since childhood for the enormous pressure that I would put on myself.

I used to rail at the unfairness of the situation. I, the promising straight As student who was supposed to do so well in life, have been pipped to the post by people obviously not as smart, intelligent or beautiful as I am. This wasn’t supposed to happen. As I stared at the glossy pictures of friends on Facebook leading seemingly idyllic lives, yes, you know those with the perfect wedding, honeymoon, job, children, holiday etc etc and came to the sinking realisation that I had none of that to speak of, I was brought to the depths of despair indeed.

With the help of angels and friends around me, bit by bit, I have been brought to the realisation that I am not my job. I am not my career, or lack of. I am not even my life. I am a part of the Divine Presence that has chosen this life that I am now leading, heartaches and all. Indeed, it is so clear to me now that my life has been the perfect set up for me to experience the complete and utter destruction of my ego (well, in this respect anyway. I am well aware that things could have turned out alot worse for me.)

For, without the destruction of the ego, how could we come to know ourselves as the Infinite Being that we are? After all, we are nothing but fragments of Source, each having a different experience of the Oneness here on earth.

Understanding all this doesn’t mean that the road ahead will be easy. I do foresee I will continue to be plagued by the self-doubt that has characterised so much of my later years. With any luck though, my hard work will pay off as I gradually begin to realise my true eternal self and let go of all inauthentic versions or notions of me.

Touch The Toes

What a little gem of a shop. I loved the space. Incredibly light, airy. Something whimsical about it. A place where dreams come true. Lovey, lovely Wuen to put up with me and my fancies. Oh and did I mention that they do eco-friendly yoga clothing? Marriage made in yogi heaven. Yum. Slurp. Dream…

Crystal Elixirs

And so, with great anticipation, I attended the crystal elixir meditation yesterday, my first.

After explaining how to go about doing it, Mamta passed around the bag of crystals. Being sat at the back of the room, I had last pick. Alas, the bag ran out of Amethyst by the time it got to me. No doubt this was due to Jea the crystal junkie helping herself to shedloads. Lucky for me that Amethyst is probably one of the most over-represented crystals in my collection – I’ve always liked it as a child, given it is my birthstone – Aquarius. I was left with Rose Quartz, Clear Quartz and Aventurine, all lovely stones in themselves.

The meditation went well indeed. I didn’t get the pulsating feeling that I sometimes do with the higher vibration stones. Not from holding them anyway, rather, the vibrations seemed to have transferred inward, and the core of my being seemed to have been taken over by  a subtle undulating wave of motion. I sat more easily than I had before, enjoying the energy that seemed to travel up my spine, and the increasing silence and stillness of my mind. As we came out of our meditation I felt a wooziness, my mind still reluctant to relinquish its state of calm. As my five senses took over, waves of appreciation swept over me along with a renewed sense of well-being. Thank you Mamta, for that lovely meditation!

How true!

Return of Saturn

As I was sitting in the car with Raine, she told me about the Return of Saturn, and how it may explain why so many of us are going through a quarter-life crisis. Fascinated and incredulous that I had not as yet heard of this phenomenon, I looked it up on astrology.about.com and found the following (there are several aspects to it):

“What is the Saturn Return?

This is when the planet Saturn comes back to meet your natal Saturn. It takes about 29.5 years for this slow-mover to return to where it was when you were born. The Saturn return hits in the late twenties, and its impact is felt into the early thirties. There’s a second (and possibly a third for the long-lived among us) Saturn return that hits between age 57-60.”

“Stripping Down:

The Saturn return often creates a crisis that puts you face-to-face with your fears. And many of these have deep roots in your psyche, but they’re also about living up to societal expectations. Saturn causes a mini earthquake to the foundations, and this enables you to shake off what’s not really You. Saturn’s other alias is Lord of Karma, and here’s the test of whether you can become your own authority. Can you discover an unshakable core self within you that will be the basis for a lifetime of growth?”

Weekend plans

I am rather looking forward to the crystal elixir meditation later today hosted by my mate Mamta, the source of all good and loveliness. Check it out:

https://www.facebook.com/events/601043989946768

On second thoughts…

Alright, I’ve caved in to my vanity. Get used to regular changes in my Tagline – not unlike how most people update their FB status every other minute. (miaoooooowwwrrrrrr!!!)

Welcome to… Me!

After much faffing about trying to find out how to change my tagline from “4 out of 5 dentists recommend this wordpress.com site”, I then had the unenviable task of deciding on a suitable one. How do I not sound generically self-important , and yet convey some essence of me and what I’m trying to achieve? Thus the rather dull “Musings from Someone who’s just Being”. I might just change this again… when I can figure out how to be and not be (I am most certainly over-thinking this!)

Then again, maybe it is just relaxing into my status as a Magic Alchemist, or Magical Chemist (I originally wanted MagicAlchemy, which was already taken). I shouldn’t have to worry about being me.

I have always had problems with blogs for this reason. Didn’t see how it was in my interests to be reading the ramblings of egomaniacal self-indulgent fantasists. Were it not for the endless egging and encouragement (read: harassment) of my beloved sis Raine, I would not be here facing these blog-xistential issues.

Welcome to all, therefore, and most importantly, welcome to Me.